How to annoy the gods
by daughterofares97
Summary: Ways to annoy all the Olympian Gods, and goddesses and Hades. WARNING: The author is not responsible for any murders/injuries/maimings as a result of following these examples
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: The author is not responsible for any murders/injuries/maimings as a result of following these examples. **

**Zeus:**

1) Sign him up for parental care classes

2) Tell Hera about all his current love interests

3) Tell him Nico got Thalia pregnant

4) Tell him turning his children into pine trees is bad parenting

5) Send him a letter signed by Hera, calling him 'the best brother in the world'

6) Call him a mama's boy.

7) Steal his lightning bolt, then tell him Thalia did it.

8) Constantly remind him that a 16 year old boy won a war that he (an all-powerful god) could not.

9) Say that both sea travel and shadow traveling are better modes of transport than air travel

10) Tell him Poseidon and Hades are better fathers than him

11) Give him parenting books (such as Fatherhood for Dummies, and The Joys of Parenthood)


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for reading And thank you to anyone who reviewed or favorited.**

Athena

1) Iris message her saying that Percy got Annabeth pregnant, quickly break the connection.

2) Iris message her again a couple of minutes later, tell her you were mistaken. After she has calmed down tell her Percy isn't the father, its Poseidon.

3) Tell Aphrodite to make her fall in love with Poseidon.

4) Constantly remind her in a loud voice that her children don't actually exist, they're just thoughts.

5) Break into one of the Olympian counsel meeting and shout at her for 'breaking her vow of virginity'

6) Call her owl face

7) Tell her that olive trees are stupid, and that Poseidon should have become the patron god of Athens

8) Whenever she makes a decision snap your fingers in a Z formation, saying oh no she did nawt.

9) Whenever she does something tell her how unwise it was to do that

10) Send her pictures of Percy and Annabeth making out

11) Join Aphrodite in a rant about how amazing Percabeth is.

12) Tell her what 'Pothena' is

**REVIEWS ARE LOVE.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who read or favorited my story.  
>Virtual cookies for all of you: (::)(::)(::)(::)(::)<br>And especially to my reviewers: SoccerGirl03, DreamWeaver0509, andDreamOutLoud366.**

Apollo

1) Tell him that Artemis is older than him

2) Address him as 'creeper with the face' **(A/N this works with everyone; god, demigod or mortal)**

3) Smash his i-pod

4) Steal his sun car

5) Video tape him crying because of this and broadcast it on Hephaestus TV.

6) Tell him the moon is way better than the sun

7) Tell him you're a better poet than him in haiku form. For example:

I am more awesome  
>I can write better haikus<br>Than you, you old sod.

8) Poke him, constantly.

9) Start screaming whenever he says a poem or starts singing.

10) Steal his lyre, blame it on Hermes.

11) Steal his sacred cows, and blame it on Hermes again.

12) Tell him that arrows are for losers

13) Cause him to flirt with the hunters, and then laugh when Artemis beats him up.

14) Tell him that poetry is for sissies and wimps.

15) Make him flirt with Aphrodite, video tape Ares beating him up.

**Come on people let's see if we can make it to 5 (or maybe even 7!) reviews. **


	4. Chapter 4

**OH MY GODS, I feel so loved 15 reviews already, thank you to everyone who reviewed. Oh and BobJacksonSSJ, good idea! I think I will take your suggestion and do a sequel to this where characters actually do some of the better ones, if I have the time.  
>BTW I am open to suggestions as to who to do next.<strong>

Hades

1) Kidnap Persephone, and hold her for ransom.

2) Give him a long explanation about why Zeus and Poseidon are better than him.

3) Explain to him exactly what Thalico is.

4) Give him a long lecture on the benefits of cereal

5) Force feed him cereal

6) Tell him that Rhea always liked Zeus better

7) Redecorate the underworld in hot pink.

8) Lecture him about the wrongs of incest and kidnapping

9) Constantly call him Lord Voldemort.10) Ask him why _he_ isn't on the Olympian council.

11) Be Demeter. 'nuff said

**Read and Review peoples, and don't forget to tell me who you want next.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Three chapters in one day! I'm on a roll, not that they're very long or anything but still…  
>Anyway this chapter is of Hermes, as requested by both <strong>Reaper's Curse** and **CimFan**. Next Chapter is Artemis, as requested by Nemo-Chan.**

Hermes

1) Constantly address him as Anakin Skywalker and/or Darth Vader.

2) Make Darth Vader noises whenever he speaks

3) Ask him how May and Luke are doing

4) Tell him that he must be so proud of Luke for almost taking control of the world

5) Set a pack of dogs on him (because dogs hate mailmen)

6) Steal his winged shoes and replace them with normal shoes complete with fake wings

7) Video tape him falling off Olympus, and broadcast the video on Hephaestus TV.

8) Steal stuff from the rest of the gods and blame it on him,

9) Again video tape him getting beaten up and broadcast the video on Hephaestus TV.

10) Show him pictures of the (ugly, blue) version of himself from the Disney version of Hercules.

11) Constantly steal his things

12) Constantly prank him

13) Tell him that he is the most pointless god and that no one needs to deliver messages now that we have e-mail anyway

14) Whenever he walks past start singing: 'Hey, stop wait a minute mister postman'

**Read and Review peoples…you know you want to…Come on let's make it to 25 reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! I'm back, I may update again this afternoon, depends on how much homework I get at school today.  
>Any who, read and review (hehe, that rhymes)<strong>

**Anyway this is Artemis as requested by Nemo-Chan. **

Artemis

1) Use magic to make all the hunters fall in love with Apollo

2) Tell her that Apollo is older than her

3) Call her and her hunters a bunch of lesbians

4) Constantly flirt with Apollo

5) Get all the huntresses drunk and let them loose in a crowd of men.

6) Kidnap her huntresses

7) Kidnap her and make Aphrodite give her a make over

8) Whenever you see her pat her head and tell her what an adorable little girl she is.

9) Ask her how Zoe is doing

10) Remind her that she needed a _boys_ help to defeat Atlas

11) Remind her that it was a _boy_ who defeated Kronos, not a girl.


	7. Chapter 7

**So, finally the chapter with the best god in existence has arrived, as per the request from Fenrir The Vicious.  
>And without further ado I give you:<strong>

Ares

1) Tell him Aphrodite has taken a vow of chastity.

2) Tell him Aphrodite has decided to be a better wife, so she's dumping him.

3) Tell him Chris got Clarisse pregnant

4) When he kills Chris tell him you were just joking, then set Clarisse on him.

5) Constantly remind him how a twelve year old boy beat him in a fight

6) Tell him that he needs to learn how to control his anger issues, when he shouts at you saying he doesn't have anger issues, point to him and say; 'thats exactly what I'm talking about.

7) Tell him Athena is a better war goddess than he will ever be.

8) Inform him that all his children have become hippies who advocate for free love, nuclear disarmament, and world peace.

9) Bedazzle all of his clothes.

10) Drug him so he becomes unconscious, then tattoo a pink unicorn on his bicep.

11) Steal his Harley

12) Spray paint his Harley hot pink

13) Tell him that war is soooo last season

14) Cover his throne with peace signs and flowers

15) Whenever he walks into a room start playing Barbie Girl  
><strong><br>Read and Review my lovelies! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh, by the way Haffy439, Hades was the main blue character, but Hermes was also portrayed badly, right at the start of the movie. And Reaper's Curse I was planning on doing the major gods before the minor gods, so no Persephone yet :(  
><strong>

**Now for a bit of shameless advertising, I'm writing a new story: Leo's  
>epic pickup lines, I personally think its quite funny, if you would<br>care to read it, I would appreciate it.**

Aphrodite:

1) Tell her all her daughters have joined the hunters

2) Tell her both Ares and Hephaestus are leaving her, because they have discovered that they are soul mates. 

3) Tell her that Artemis has fallen in love, when she gets excited tell her you were just kidding.

4) Whenever she walks in a room, start playing the song Ugly.

5) Look at her and say 'wow, if you're the goddess of beauty I'd hate to see an ugly goddess. 

6) Shave off all of her hair 

7) Alternatively, dye her hair puke green 

8) Tell her that love is so last season 

9) Tell her that Artemis is a way better goddess than her. 

10) Get her drunk, then trick her into joining Artemis' hunters.

**Reviews are love (and you know how much Aphrodite loves love)**


	9. Chapter 9

Hera

1) Tell her that only a really messed up woman would marry her younger brother.

2) Remind her about all of Zeus' illegitimate children

3) Show her the parts of the disney movie Hercules which show her as his mother

4) Ask her why she isn't pink (Hercules reference)

5) Get all of Zeus' children to start calling her Mommy.

6) Send her a list of all of Zeus' current girlfriends

7) Tell her that peacocks are gay, and that cows are stupid.

8) Ask her she feels that she, the goddess of marriage, has one of the worst.

9) Constantly remind her about the time Hephaestus trapped her in a chair.

10) Constantly ask her "and how does that make you feel?" whenever she says something

11) Constantly remind Hephaestus about the time she threw him off of Mount Olympus.

12) Ask her if she has mad cow disease 

**Read and review **


	10. Chapter 10

**Nobody requested anyone, yet again, so here is the next chapter;**

Dionysus

1) Tell him that Ariadne would have been better off with Theseus.

2) Innocently ask him how long he had to stay at camp half-blood.

3) Ask him how drunk he had to get Ariadne before she would marry him. (If you're a guy say that you wanted to know so that you could do it too)

4) Tell him that Hestia should be on the Olympian council, not him.

5) Drink large quantities of wine in front of him

6) Send him a bottle of wine for Christmas/birthdays/any random day you want to annoy him.

7) Tell him that wearing leopard print means you're gay.

8) Ask him why he doesn't change his appearance to make himself less fat and disgusting.

9) Tell him that Theseus is your role model (works best if you're one of his children)

10) Ask him repeatedly for a bowl of grapes.

11) Tell him that, of all the Olympians his powers are the least cool.

**Next update will probably tomorrow morning, if you review I may even do two chapters tomorrow…so yeah, review, you know you want to.**


	11. Chapter 11

**OH MY GODS! I've just realized I haven't done Poseidon yet, I am so stupid, so anyway next chapter: POSEIDON.**

Demeter

1) Tell her that cereal is disgusting

2) Trick Zeus into banning cereal

3) Ask her who would be stupid enough to eat underworld food

4) Ask her where Persephone is, in the middle of winter

5) Tell her Hades is your role model (extra points if your one of her children)

6) Ask her to read you a story, give her the one from Greek mythology where Persephone is kidnapped.

7) Invite her and Persephone over for dinner to celebrate the start of spring, also invite Hades.

8) Alternatively invite her over to dinner and serve underworld food.

9) Send her pomegranates as a birthday present.

10) Send her pictures of Travis and Katie making out 


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok people, this is an important announcement: anyone who has not seen the music video for 'The Creep' by The Lonely Island feat Nicki Minaj, needs to watch it this second (it's on YouTube)  
><strong> 

Poseidon:

1) Constantly remind him that he has to take orders from his younger brother.

2) Ask him (perfectly innocently of course) why the romans all hated him.

3) Tell him that when you grow up you want to be just like Athena (works best if you're one of his children)

4) Sing 'under the sea' everytime he walks in a room.

5) Ask what Japan did to deserve the tidal wave and earthquake.

6) Throw garbage in the sea whenever you get the oppertunity

7) Ask him what it feels like when there's an oil spill in the ocean.

8) Tell him that Athena was a much better patron of Athens than he would ever be.

9) Tell him that of the big three he is the most useless

10) Tell him about 'Pothena', then send him links to all the Pothena fanfics

11) Steal his trident, then scream at him "Now you know how it feels" (works best if you're a child of Zeus)

12) Tell him that of all of Rhea's children, Zeus was her favorite, and that she hated him the most. 

**Review my loyal readers, you know you want to.**


	13. Chapter 13

Hephaestus:

1) Threaten to throw him off of mount Olympus if he doesn't behave.

2) Tell him Leo is hopelessly in love with one of Ares' daughters **(sadly not me, it's a reference to my other story)  
><strong>  
>3) Dress up as Hera and start singing 'threw it on the ground' <strong>(thank<br>you PheoNox for informing me about this awesome song)  
><strong>  
>4) Smash all of his robots, blame it on Leo.<p>

5) Send him pictures of Aphrodite and Ares making out.

6) Send him a list of all Aphrodite's illegitimate kids

7) Send Aphrodite a list of all his illegitimate kids.

8) Tell him all of his children now believe Ares to be the best god in existence (which he is by the way)

9) Steal all his tools and replace them with plastic kiddy ones.

10) When he gets angry at you say 'at least _my_ mother didn't throw _me_ off a mountain'

11) Schedule him and Aphrodite for marriage counseling


	14. Chapter 14

**Next couple of chapters will have a few for some of the minor gods that people requested. So if any of you have any requests, now is the time to ask. ******

Kronos (even though he's a Titan)

1) Call him crownose

2) Give him the best father in the world award

3) Send him parenting books.

4) Constantly remind him that he was defeated by an adolescent boy

5) Call him Voldemort.

6) Tell him suicide is never the answer.

7) Tell him that your evil laugh is better than his evil laugh.

8) Call him grandad/greatgrandad (depending on who your godly parent is)

9) Sign him up for anger management classes

10) Tell him that he is a schizophrenic.

11) Drug him, then tattoo 'Percy Jackson pwns all' on his arm

12) Send him to a bulimic convention.


	15. Chapter 15

**So here are some of the minor gods/goddesses that some of you requested:  
><strong>  
><span>Persephone (requested by Reaper's curse)<span>

1) Ask her how underworld food tastes.

2) Send her pomegranates for Christmas.

3) Ask her how she could be so stupid as to eat underworld food.

4) Tell her that you think Hades is a romantic genius, and that you're  
>planning on following his actions (bonus points if you're going out<br>with one of her daughters)

Hecate (requested by CimFan)

1) Tell her that Dumbledore was way cooler than her (Bonus if you're one of her children)

2) Ask her for directions to Hogwarts

3) Call her Lady Voldemort

4) Call her Merope Gaunt

Hypnos:

1) Call him lazy

2) Hide an alarm clock in his room which is set to go off every half an hour.

**If you have any gods/goddesses you want you can put it in a review.**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm still open as to suggestions of who you want me to do next. Also, I was thinking of doing a sequel to this, the same, only with demigods (I already have some ideas), and am also still planning on doing the original sequel to this where some of the annoyances are put in motion. I'll probably start them at the same time, after I've finished my other story, Leo's epic pickup lines.**

Amphitrite (a sea goddess, also wife of Poseidon):

1) Tell her that Poseidon likes Percy mire than he likes Triton.

2) Force her to watch all of the Little Mermaid films.

3) Invite her to dinner, also invite Sally and Percy.

4) Alternatively, invite her to dinner and serve only seafood.  
><span><br>Atlas (titan who holds up the sky):

2) Offer to hold the sky up for him, then run away.

3) Take a long stick, and start poking him with it.

4) Set yourself up a comfortable chair, sit next to him and list off  
>all the ways in which the gods are better than the Titans.<p>

Nemesis (goddess of revenge):

1) Constantly play pranks on her, when she asks why, tell her that it  
>was for revenge, refuse to tell her what made you want revenge.<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

**OH. MY. GODS. 101 reviews! I feel so loved its unbelievable.  
>You can still submit any gods you want (please do I don't want my story to end!)<strong>

Eros (god of *ahem* intimate love)

1) Kidnap his wife, Psyche, and hold her for ransom.

2) Whenever he walks by start singing the song Stupid Cupid

3) Constantly ask him to make the person you like fall in love with  
>you, ask for a different person every day.<p>

4) Steal his bow and arrows, and start shooting random people with them. 

Prometheus (Titan who gave humans fire, for this he was punished by having his liver eternally eaten by an eagle, brother of Atlas)  
><span>  
>1) Force-feed him liver<p>

2) Tell him that eagles are the best animals ever.

3) Tell him that his parents always liked Atlas better.

Tyche (goddess of luck and destiny)

1) Constantly command her to do things, when she says no scream at her 'it is your destiny!'

2) **(if you're a boy)** Pray to her to 'get lucky' with one of her daughters.


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay people, this is definitely the last chapter T.T *wipes away tears***

**PLEASE READ THE ANNOUNCEMENT AT THE BOTTOM.**  
><span>  
><span>Anteros (god of requited love)<br>  
>1) Knock him unconscious and tattoo 'love is for suckers' on him.<p>

2) Tell him that everyone always liked Eros better.

Hestia

1) Constantly pat her on the head and call her little girl

2) Tell her that she should never have been on the Olympian council,  
>and that its good that she left.<p>

3) Tell her that nobody has a fireplace in their homes any more  
>because everyone hates her<p>

Nike (goddess of victory):

1) Challenge her to a fight, when you lose scream 'Victory is MINE!'

2) Tell her that she is a sucky goddess because she because she  
>couldn't win the Titan war, a few teenage demigids did.<p>

Aeolus (god of the winds)

1) Throw your homework in the wind, when your teacher asks where it is  
>say Aeolus ate it.<p>

2) Constantly beg him to help you win your sailing competition, when he refuses start throwing random pieces of garbage in the wind.

Ate (goddess of ruin & delusion, daughter of Eris)  
><span>  
>1) Tell her that she deserved to be thrown off Olympus.<p>

2) Tell her that she is a great disappointment because she never did anything great like her mother's golden apple

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS:**

**I am going to do the sequel ****How to annoy the demigods****, the first chapter will be up later today.**

**I am not going to do the sequel where people actually annoy the gods, because with all the work I've been getting I just don't have the time.**

**I am writing an unrelated fic; ****Cabin rules****, basically it's a list of rules for each of the cabins at camp halfblood. It'll be a humor fic, and the first chapter will be up later today.**

**AND FINALLY: Thank you for all of the people who read/reviewed/favorite/followed.**


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